Tid bit from January. What a terrible month…

It’s been a good bit since I’ve taken the time to write anything about myself. In fact, I find myself hesitant to even start writing…

(Five minutes later)

I had a job interview not too long ago. I drove nearly an hour to get there, in the dark, during rush hour traffic, and it only lasted 18 minutes. That’s right: eighteen bleeding minutes. I barely slept the night before, and for what? Nothing. That’s right, I drove out for an eighteen minute interview, regarding a position that I’ll most likely not be asked to fill.

That really pisses me off. I took the time to drive out, look my best in clothing that wasn’t mine, and for what? To say hello, and answer random questions in the midst of a note taking stranger? Jesus H. Christ, I thought there would be more, perhaps even some sort of aptitude test, or even an immediate answer as to whether or not I’m hired.

This was hardly the case.

It seems that we are haunted by our pasts even more so than I originally anticipated whilst attending college.

Now I’m stuck fucking around with the same job I have + one failed attempt to fly…

Now I know I’ve gone over the edge. Tid bits from beyond!

Anti histamines covered in disposable combs sitting in view of the police officer on break.

I have a pretty good idea of why I wrote that, do you?

Probably not, but If you did, I’d very much like to meet you.

I’d like to take the time and explain a few rudimentary ideas that I’ve been thinking about. I want to take the pot off of simmer and stuff it into the oven so to speak. Or, possibly, I’d just enjoy an audience right now.

People:

People are idiots. I’m an idiot, and so is everyone else on this planet. We may have a vastly infinite supply of data on one subject; yet remain totally ignorant of other things as well. People are also horrible, whether they’d like to admit it or not. Some people may not even know it, but they’re evil. Then again, it may be just me. Sometimes I have insane thoughts. Sometimes I want to do things to others and even to myself that have no grounds in rational reasoning. Am I positive that others are like this? No, but I have little cause to wonder otherwise, as I believe it’d be impossible to have another person confess to being a sick degenerate. I enjoy the company of my insanity, and I’d even be willing to bet that it enjoys my company as well.

Sodomy induced hysteria. Musical muscular dystrophy.

There is no god, and I think that this world is pretty much fucked. I welcome the apocalypse, should it ever arrive while my body continues to breath.

Would that not be an incredible sight? What with the world erupting into a glorious stream of chaos and delirium? I have my last day all planned out. Seeing others try to come to terms with their own pitiful demise as I sit transfixed, on the top of a truck in the grocery store parking lot. It may seem cruel to derive joy from others suffering, but let me put it this way: it wouldn’t be joy; it’d just be raucous laughter. But then again, for every whining, and stupid adult praying to his fake god on the corner of Diamond and Broad, there is an equally annoying, and dimwitted child. The only difference is that one is annoying and retarded by choice, and the other is innocent of any and all transgressions against human society.

Fuck it. If Slim Pickens took his dive tomorrow, I’m pretty sure I’d be ok with it.

Donovan’s Folly…

To be fair, I can’t remember when I wrote this. The file has no modification or creation date. Not to mention the fact that I might have been grossly intoxicated while writing it. You have been warned.

Time and again, we have seen, through infinite patience, the extent of god’s sense of humor. Often through the mired grimace of a loved one’s face, we have experienced the joy, horror, and sheer hilarity that is god’s love. Throughout the universe, we see wonders of the most spectacular color, and titanic power. But then we look across the street at Bob Jensen’s house, the cheap son of a bitch that dragged the entire neighborhoods property value down because he decided not to get aluminum siding like everyone else. Not that it wasn’t thrifty of him but it was just a complete and utter slap in the face of everyone else. However, I digress; it seems that in this world, there is an infinitely high percentage of irony and that oh so special “whoops” factor. Where else for example, can you find a world that has humans sodomizing sheep, platypus, and that sick anime porn that floats around on the internet?

• If you answered ‘nowhere’, than you were right, and in that case, I’ve decided not to embark on an insane attempt to brutally murder you.
• If you said ‘Gorthos 9′, you’d be right. However, seeing as that planet exists solely in my mind, you’ve earned yourself a smartass pass, and now you lose my respect for you (Woohoo free pass. I never had any respect for you anyway. Slut.).
• If you became intoxicated while contemplating the answer, kudos to you. You’re a problem solver, and possibly a Viking.
• If you said anything other than the latter, then I’ve got bad news for you. That rustle in the bushes was my knife coming out.

To veer away from the fact that you very well may be being murdered at this very moment, I will continue along on my sufficiently random path.

Discussion tid bits from Hell

Is true discussion from the beginning worth it?

This is often a perilous question that I continually ask myself, considering most of the things I discuss with other people are philosophical in nature. The topics of these discussions are usually philosophy, but also include political or current events; all of which involve a display of ethics, politics and ideological beliefs. These things are dangerous, especially if you’re not overly familiar with the person that you are speaking with. Since I often neglect the social tap dance that is “getting to know someone,” I usually trudge into the deep end, and totally commit myself to a discussion. If the person is offended, and utterly disgusted with what I say, and argue, then I have little time for them. Even if they agree with me, unceasingly and in total agreement, I have little time for them.

The people that I often choose to surround myself with have a different belief structure, but still have the ability to comprehend what I’m saying. It is these people that I often familiarize myself with. They provide a truly valuable sounding board in which I can discuss, and refine my ideas. Usually, I too, can provide a similar service to them.

The unimaginable thing about two people with different beliefs, but an open mind, is that over time, a pairing occurs. This isn’t the type of “pairing” that you’d read about in a romance novel, or some kind of pseudo spiritual bond, or any nonsense comparable thereafter. A truly significant intertwining of ideas and consciousness develops. Two people, when in constant discussion, with sparring ideologies, synchronize and form something that can only be described as the functioning of two hemispheres. The banter becomes so fast, so resolutely clear and succinct, that ideas flow freely from one to the next, enveloping everything. The people cease existing, for that small moment in time, as individuals, and for mere seconds, they understand and come to a totally similar hypothesis on the current subject being discussed.

On the other hand, one might argue that these things may develop over time, regardless of immediate interest in opposite thinking and understanding. I’m not sure that I’ve ever tried this approach, so as of now, I am inexperienced as to the progression, and time periods required for this pairing to occur…

More pseudo intellectual tid bits!

I’m what most people would call a pessimist, and what most people would also call paranoid. Not to mention the fact that I personally believe that people are a product of their environment. So, to say that I am very much indeed a paranoid pessimist, would imply that I was raised in a place which would most likely cultivate these feelings of doubt and distrust. To be perfectly honest, that could not be farther from the truth. I was raised by a kind, compassionate, loving family that brought me nothing but happiness. Sure we moved around a lot when I was younger, but I soon realized that it was the people that you surround yourself with and not the creature comforts, that matter. But still, one must ask, how? To be honest, I’m really not quite certain; though I’m sure it has something to do with the fact that from approximately the age of 5-15, I was a pathological liar. I lied entirely to lie, with no hidden agenda. I lied to the point where my parents and siblings didn’t believe a single word coming out of my mouth.

“Did you do your homework?” My father would ask.

“Finished it at school” I would reply.

“Let me see it?”

“I didn’t do it.”

So on it went for many years. The cycle continued to repeat, with no end in sight. Though I’m not sure when I stopped, I’m positive I did. While I do enjoy embellishing a good story now and then, I find that I have ceased lying to others, solely for the purpose of lying. Unless of course, that I really do not wish to enter into a long term conversation with you anyway. If I become annoyed with a person, I will say anything in order for them to cease and desist their annoying activities, and to simply leave me alone. While this doesn’t happen very often, it does happen occasionally, though 99% of the time, only with people I truly despise. Maybe because I know how easy it is to lie to others, that I now distrust almost everyone around me. It’s not a stretch to be honest; I find I examine most everyone with the same scrutiny that I might have applied to anything I had said during my youth. Seeing through it, deciphering the small bits of truth, the fluff surrounding it, and the bold faced lie it pranced around as. Everything I hear from others, is automatically processed in order to determine whether or not it has a second meaning, a sliver of sarcasm, or a misleading idea meant to list me slightly off course of whatever it is I’m working on. A negative hint here, a tap dancing explanation there, possibly a white lie sprinkled on later. I never know, but I try to stay ahead of the curve, listening intently etc.

As for the paranoia, that’s a whole different story. I’m paranoid in social, legal, and ethical situations for one reason, and one reason alone. I have been caught. Whether it was doing things that were socially taboo, or even things that were illegal, I’ve been caught doing them. I won’t go into specifics, but I have made errors in the steps of common social graces, private relationships, friendships, breaking of common law, breaking of state and federal law, and I’m even sure that I broke one or two international treaties, though not intentionally. For many of these things, I have been caught, tried and convicted by my peers, be it in a court of law, or even on the playground in my youth. It is for an even greater number of things that I have not been caught for that continually builds on my constant paranoia.

Now on to the most important question that any sane person would be asking themselves after having read through that last paragraph:

Have you ever been convicted of a crime? No.

Have you ever harmed anything or anyone? No.

Do you regret the things that you’ve done? A large majority.

Do those things haunt you? Absolutely.

Are you a terrible person? For the most part, I’d like to think that I’m actually a pretty decent individual. Problems here and there, but I lean on the right side of the law. For the most part anyway…

So there you have it. I’m not some insane person, though you’d probably think it from what I’ve written here.

Tidbits: More to come…

There are few things in this life that I completely enjoy, without any kind of remorse, or ill feeling. Of those things, a very small number are truly useful to me in free economy. In a more direct approach, little of what I enjoy has any way of directly translating into my making a living for myself, be it legal, or otherwise. I sometimes find myself immersed in new ideas day to day, with only an amount of interest proportionate to that of a bear snacking on salmon. I enjoy reading, writing, working with computers, and wandering around in the woods in the middle of the night, and into the wee hours of the morning. Reading and writing might have been enough to propel me into an appropriate profession in the late 1400’s, but it does not provide for me a means by which to sustain myself in the 21st century. Working with computers seems to be the only outlet for which I can provide myself an indulgence into personal satisfaction, as well as lucrative self sustaining employment.  As for wandering around in the woods in the middle of the night, I think that has very little to do with my becoming gainfully employed, and more to do with my carnal nature; my willingness to indulge in animal and predatory instinct if you will.

Overall, what I am, who I am, and what I will eventually become, is a no one. I will probably manage to carve out my little niche, accumulate my minute nest egg, curl up, and die. No more, no less. Of course, I will strive to become more, push myself when necessary, but inevitably fail. We have been setting ourselves up to fail as a species since the beginning, terminally wrought with decisions between ourselves and others, that have little or no bearing on our long term development. We painstakingly manipulate the outward variables around us,  while silently praying to the deity that we don’t actually believe in, to deliver results that would merely satisfy our carnal lust for a mere fraction of our existence.

Eventually, our parasitic development will come to a total standstill, and havoc will ensue. People will die by the millions, our world will become a desolate wasteland of terrifying scientific pinnacles, and eventually, despite our recognition of the problem, our species will cease to exist. Wiped out by our own potential and insane will to barrel through scientific development at a dangerous rate, all while fostering the hope that someday our “potential” would lend us some type of clarity or salvation. Our blind ignorance of true human nature will kill us. We simply cannot comprehend what we are.

Change of pace…

It’s been over a year since my last entry. It’s remarkable what can happen to a person in that small stretch of time. Friendships can falter and die, schooling can be neglected, and debts can be paid to society. Looking back now over the past thirteen months, I realize that life is nothing more than a series of randomly interlocking events, with no real outcome. That may sound nihilistic to the average person, but to a person like myself, it seems to echo in my mind, getting louder every day.

While I have managed to stay reasonably sane over the past year, I feel I’ve lost something. I still can’t pin my finger on it, but life seemed to have lost its luster in a way. I’ve become even more sarcastic and socially jaded then I once was as a youth. Beyond those social maladies, I’ve also taken to the habit of seclusion. I no longer wander out into the night at 10:00 to romp around the neighborhood with friends. I fear that I am becoming a cynical jackass, and that soon, there will be no help for me. It’s been a long year.

Out of everything that’s happened, I’m thankful for having had the opportunity to make the best out of an awkward situation. Be that as it may, I’d probably be much happier if none of it had actually occurred in the first place. But since the ordeal seems to have come to an end, I think it’s safe to say that joy is returning to my life, and at a time when I can surely use it. In the past, my exploits of the summer, and love of the fall carried me through the winter months with great gusto, and explosive cheer. I’m not happy to say that the last winter was dark, and not in the sense of it getting dark at 5:00 pm. It was the first time I’ve ever been truly depressed in my life.

The courses that I had signed up for, quickly became burdens that I could no longer carry under the stress, and worry of an upcoming trial. Even though I knew what would most likely happen, it offered me no counsel . By the time spring had rolled around, I looked like shit, and I’m not afraid to admit it.

But thankfully, all of that has passed. Finally, I can move forward, tracing steps I took years ago, being careful about where I step, and how long my foot rests in that position. The name of the game is experience, and I’m looking to play my cards right this time. For the first time in months, I can actually find a reason to rejoice. The sun seems brighter, the wind more crisp, and life returning to normal.

I pray I don’t fuck this up.

Politicians Who’ve Shot Themselves in the Foot..

Now I won’t lie, I wanted to title this article in a much more vulgar light, i.e. “Politicians Who’ve Fucked Themselves.” I tried to stop myself from including it in the main body as well, but against my better judgment, I’ve decided to just leave it in and damn the torpedoes.

Anyway, I’m getting off topic; I’m here to talk about politicians who have seriously screwed themselves over. Let’s get down to brass tacks: Joe Lieberman is a  candidate for the Darwin Awards either for

1. Stupidity
2. Terrible Luck.

A lot of people would have chosen to do what he did in his position, but others might yet still call it blunt politicking. In his case, as he was dropping from the ranks of the Democratic Presidential nomination, he chose to support John McCain. In mid-April, Joe decided that if he were going to lose the nomination for the Democratic Presidency, he might as well shoot for the next best thing, the VP slot open with John McCain. He chose to do this by appearing at the upcoming Republican National Convention, and naming his support for Arizona Senator John McCain on September 2nd. This unfortunately backfired on August 29^th, when McCain named Sarah Palin as his Vice Presidential running mate. Of course this was only to pick up voters scorned by the Democrats when Hillary lost in her bid for the presidential nomination.

Well, Lieberman did what any sane person would do in his position. Piss the fuck out of all of his Democratic friends in the House of Representatives and Senate by throwing his support behind John McCain, most likely hoping for some kind of Cabinet position! Wait… No. No sane person would do that. If I were him, and I had not been named the Vice Presidential nominee, I would have given myself the Flu, Botulism, or even the Bubonic Plague. What Lieberman did was what most would commonly call ‘Political Suicide!’

Let’s some up the reason’s that Joe Lieberman is now universally hated in the national Government…

1. He pissed off the Democrats when he ran as an Independent in the 2006 elections…
2. He pissed off the Democrats when he gave a speech at the RNC, saying how inexperienced Obama was.
3. He pissed off the Republicans by being a Democrat.

After the election in 2006, Lieberman was able to retain his ranking position in the Democratic Party by claiming that he was an Independant Democrat. By doing so he was able to gain Chairmanship on the Committee on Homeland Security and Governmental Affairs. However, apparently the now extreme Democratic Senate is looking to replace little old Joe for his crimes against them, as well as strip him of party rank.

As we all know, a Senator without a party, seat on a standing committee, or any kind of active committee, is kind of like a gun without bullets. You can send that gun out with a soldier to protect you, but without the bullets he’s probably not gonna make it, which roughly translates to the fact that Lieberman has no power within the Senate.

This may not all happen at once. In fact it might take some time, but I’m willing to bet that Joe Lieberman is now serving his last active term in Senate.

Obama Names Rahm Emanuel As Chief of Staff.

Not a big surprise here, that President-Elect Barack Obama is beginning to shape his presidency even before it begins. Obama has named Rahm Emanuel, a Democratic Representative from Illinois, as his Chief of Staff. Many more announcements regarding appointments are awaited over the next month.

Emanuel is currently chairman of the Democratic Caucus, and a standing member on the Ways and Means committee, and is involved in two of its subcommittees (Health & Select Revenue Measures) in the House of Representatives. He also served as an advisor on President Clintons staff (Assistant to the President for Political Affairs & Senior Advisor to the President for Policy and Strategy).

From what’s floating around, Emanuel has a winner takes all, and take no prisoners type personality. This combined with his willingness to commit all resources in order to achieve his goals is, in itself scary, as he may do things which some people would call immoral. This attitude mixed with the fact  that he told former British Prime Minister Tony Blair that “this is important, don’t fuck it up” before he went on for an interview with then president Bill Clinton, should make for interesting future staff meetings to say the least.

Change…

It’s been more than a month since my last post, and suffice to say, a lot has happened. Of course, everyone will have heard to the Barack Obama has been elected President of the United States. While the Electoral College has not yet officially voted, the projected numbers are saying that he will take well over 360 Electoral votes, of which 270 are required to claim a majority. There’s also no need to tell anyone about how brutal things got during the race, with the Obama and McCain camps using insults as ammunition right up to the last minute.

While some of the country may still be bitter about what has happened, specifically the south, we must remember to take the time to help each other before we even consider fight each other. This country is in dire straights, involved in two wars, neither of which is going well, and with a faltering economy. Our situation, coupled with the undeniable logic of the old adage that “we must all hang together or most assuredly we shall hang separately,” points clearly to fact that without each other, we’re doomed to the history books. There is strength in numbers, so we the masses must make the right decision in the coming days and support each other, and our new president elect.

Hopefully things will work out for the best, and that we can take solace in the fact that we all did our part yesterday.

Also, on a side note, hopefully more updates in the coming days.