Personal Epiphinies

So, I have no idea how to put more then one post on a page, so I guess I’ll keep editing the same post when I have something to write.

1.) My job is exactly what I wanted to do with my life: five years ago. It wasn’t until I sat down at my desk, looked at my phone, computer, and started to update the website that I had constantly worked on for the past two years, that it sank it. There was a piece of me on the 15 year old server not more then ten feet from me. A piece of my soul, totally and unwillingly invested.

I’ve spent months working on improving the way the computers run here, months building website after website, each one better than the last. As I looked at my screen and began searching through the files in order to remove a name of someone who has just left, I saw the tally at the bottom of the screen, of how many files the program had searched through. 4241 files. That’s almost 15 files I’ve created per day since I’ve arrived.

Now, honestly, it probably happened more in batches than piece by piece. But to see so much of myself involved in something, it makes me almost feel trapped, one cog of many so to speak. It’s a dangerous and prideful feeling mixed with fear and remorse. Proud of what I’ve done, scared of what I am, remorseful at what I might further become.

I want to write, I don’t want to spend my life coding a website at a local library. I want to do something with my life. I want to make a larger difference, not just update useless information about childrens programs. There has to be more to it then that.

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